Watching you grow from a curious toddler to the kind,knowledgeable and sharp young man you are today has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. Entering a new phase in your life, you are about to have one of the greatest experiences of your life, and I hope you enjoy the journey ahead of you...Here are some thoughts that I wanted to pass on. I wrote these on the days after you moved out when my emotions were raw. It was a new experience for me, for our family. We've discussed most of these at some point. You know that I still struggle to practice some of these. Hope they will guide you in your journey to find your truth! Welcome to adulthood, dear!
1. Let go of the negative feelings like hurt or anger or to people who don't care for you for your own peace.
You know that I speak about this from experience. You are much better at this than your Dad and I . You always look at the good side of everyone, give them a chance when they don't show it and walk away when things go bad..Continue to live that way. One of the greatest pieces of wisdom you will hear time and again in life is that "worry will eat you alive". Holding on to hurt and anger will do the same. Nothing grows more dangerously and is more injurious to your mental health than negative feelings. Let go of experiences that have caused you pain for your own peace and move on. No matter how bad today is, tomorrow will always be better.
2. Step out of your comfort zone every now and then.
When addressing the 2005 graduating class at Stanford, he said the following of this period, "You can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path."
As a parent, all I wanted to do was protect you and in the process, I feel that I took away chances for you to learn from mistakes, to rebuild from failure and and gain confidence from the process. All these years, I've warned you about how things can go wrong and hurt you and always prodded you to be careful, but guess what, I was wrong! Start taking chances now -- It's never too late. Follow your dream- start a business, travel far, spend money on things you love, dance even if you think you're bad at it, ask a girl out even if you're afraid she's say no. You'll never know how things will turn out if you don't try. Always trust that the random dots in your timeline will eventually connect for you....
3. Be kind to others, help whenever you can.
Kindness in today's world is largely underrated. Sentiments like "nice guys finish last " are just ways people justify their selfishness. You never know what difference you would me making in someone's life with your kindness. And that warm feeling you get makes it all worth it. And in my opinion, its more important to be kind than clever. But remember, the foundation for treating people with kindness almost always is treating yourself well first. Be the kind of person who is fair and does the right thing for the right reasons. But be fair to yourself first!
4. You are not obligated to follow our (either parent) footsteps.
Although religion and the traditions that come with it, has been a curious part of our family, I've never knowingly forced belief upon you. As you make your way through this new phase in your life, you will be exposed to higher levels of learning in science and philosophy, your views will most likely change. It is your choice and I will be proud of you no matter where you land in your quest for the truth.
5. Be aware of what you post online.
Every email you write, every picture you post, every comment you make can surface later and work against you. Its definitely not worth letting yourself and your future family down. Always use your best discretion.
6. Make sure to stay in touch with your brother.
Whether its a quick phone call or a text or an email forward or a like on his Facebook post (when he gets one), find ways to keep tabs on him. That boy loves you to death, although he may not show it all the time.
Whether its a quick phone call or a text or an email forward or a like on his Facebook post (when he gets one), find ways to keep tabs on him. That boy loves you to death, although he may not show it all the time.
Start saving right from your first job, even if it is only a tiny amount. Believe me, it will add up. Regularly putting away a portion of your paycheck will help build self-control and financial security for your future. Wait a few days before making a purchase to avoid impulse buying. Using a credit card will help you in building your credit history, but always make sure you never have an outstanding balance . Always pay credit cards in full. Plan your purchases based on your cash availability.
8. Life doesn't always make sense.
Believing that it does can cause a lot of misery. Because, assholes will get hired/promoted, the wrong people will be popular, the car in front of you at a left turn will almost always make you miss the light by making the turn too slow. Life will be far less fair than what you are used to at home. Sometimes, things don't end well and you don't always get what you deserve. But things don't always have to make sense. You don't have to keep score. When things get tough, don't be afraid to make up your own rules and embrace the senselessness of it all.
All your life, there will be good days and bad days. Don't quit when things get tough. In life, you will be rewarded NOT for your natural talent or IQ but for a positive attitude, your effort, your capabilities, AND most definitely, your grit.
9. Embrace your weirdness.
Only when you embrace the thing that makes you different, you become whole. It truly frees you and makes you realize that you don't have to try to fit into someone else's idea of normal anymore. To act any other way, to be any other person is an option that should never enter your mind. And in my experience, the people that bring out my weirdness are the ones that I try to hold on to the tightest. So seek them out and never let go.
10. Keep an open mind.
I have always admired your open mind especially when it comes to people and relationships. You have this amazing ability to accept a person for whoever they are with little or no expectations. Someone once said " The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend". Having an open mind allows you to embrace different ideas, perspectives , people , views and opportunities. By having the power to change your way of thinking, it will also help you avoid getting stuck on a mindset that makes you angry, frustrated and helpless. Remember that where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit and we should all be allowed to sit wherever we want.
Don't worry about the warmth at the center of the herd and form your own opinions. Much like beauty, reality is in the eyes of the beholder. When dealing with people, things will be easier if you remember that a person's entire world is based on their perception of reality. Their perception is their reality no matter how hard they try to be objective about things. Make sure you remember that your perception is your reality. It'll help you find your peace.
11. Most importantly , Be Happy.
I cannot stress this one enough. Recognize what brings you happiness and work towards it. The following may seem like little things, but practicing them will bring a lot of peace and happiness in your life. Be Patient. Never take anything for granted. Don't worry too much about what people think of you. Dream no small dream. Be Passionate. Challenge Yourself. Pay attention to and show interest in people around you. Give people a chance to get to know you. Don't text and drive. Show up. Be Punctual. Don't Procrastinate. Take care of yourself. Keep promises. (There is particular honor in keeping promises in difficult situations.) Reach out. Love.
Every human being needs to learn how to play well with others... how to be nice without being too nice; how to be genuine, how not to convey indifference, arrogance, superiority, distrust etc. In general, people will read these negative undertones first, and even reject you sometimes before putting in the effort to find the nicer person underneath. And more often than not , you may not get a second chance. These are ongoing life lessons even adults experience from time to time in different situations around family, friends and work. So don't worry. You are in good company :)
Know that you don't really collect a reward at the end of it all. Believe that its all about the journey. Your life is your prize, right now, in every breath you take, every challenge you face, every problem you solve, every exciting detail you you come across, every new friend you make, every hug, every kiss, every new step. So savor every moment. Play hard, Live life, Be well!
I know that you'll be looking for your own answers and truths, but if you ever feel the need to talk , need a shoulder to cry on, have a question or a problem, you know I'm here. Always -- no matter how far you go. 18 years went by too quickly. But, my dear son, those years have been the greatest wonder, pride and privilege of my life.
I know that you'll be looking for your own answers and truths, but if you ever feel the need to talk , need a shoulder to cry on, have a question or a problem, you know I'm here. Always -- no matter how far you go. 18 years went by too quickly. But, my dear son, those years have been the greatest wonder, pride and privilege of my life.
And oh, rest assured that we will always have a room for you at home :)
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